Sunday, May 31, 2009

The blahs..

It has been nearly two months since I have posted.  I have meant to – and yes, I know you have heard that before.  I wish I had some amazingly dramatic reason for my silence but unfortunately it is some intersection of laziness and the blahs.  I had a few ideas, even took pictures to go with them but never completed the blog.  Now, I am so embarrassed as they are both very dated, I have decided to just table them.  Perhaps analyzing the blahs or the larger reason behind them might be more interesting. 

Is it my “new” job which is really not so new anymore? Probably.  I feel like a cog in a big machine – nameless, faceless, meaningless and tragically replaceable.  I know I ought to just swallow my pride and recognize that is just the way it is but that is easier said than done.  And a healthy part of professional life is realizing there is no such thing as a perfect job, you just have to figure out how many imperfections you can put up with and still remain sane.  I might be well advised to get a plaque of the serenity prayer and put it on my desk.  Or if I had any courage at all “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” 

Is it how fat I have gotten?  Okay, again an exaggeration but I have certainly changed shape as evidence by many of my pants not fitting.  I’d like to think my hips have spread but as I have not birthed four kids, I am not sure I can claim that with any truth.  I know I need to cut out the sweets and work to make better choices but propelling toward plus sizes is not making the blahs any less distant.  Yes, I said plus sizes. 

Is it this barrage of kids who used to be in my youth group adding me on Facebook?  I ought to be glad to catch up with people from a different era of my life but at the end of the day; these particular blasts from the pasts make me feel dreadfully old.  The case of one in particular who is on the brink of turning 30 made me soberly acknowledge that even the 3-0 milestone is not really mine anymore.  Or adding to the getting older theme, Jay Leno’s last episode.  I never really consistently followed the show, but it was always sort of in the background and now that he has turned the mantle over to young Conan (who is 46, BTW) it shocks me the whole business is over.  It seems like he barely just started – SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO.  Yes, I am getting older. 

Is it June gloom?  No, I may be the one person in LA who loves, loves, loves June gloom. It is like the weather gives us a brief respite knowing we are not quite ready for summer.  We can’t handle the heat the entire day and it is an absolute blessing to have cool mornings and evenings.  But, indeed, I am going to try for whatever it is worth to blog more consistently if you (my blog followers) will have me back?  Perhaps, if for no other reason than to combat this most current installment of the blahs, I will blog again!